I can't quite remember the first time I sat in one of those many orange chairs. I just remember the feeling of not belonging here, of wondering what I was doing there at GVCC, waiting for the service to begin. I just know that I have been enwrapt in that church ever since I first sat in one of those orange chairs. I had lead a long, hard life, even for a 15 year old. My parents were divorced, addictions ruled the adults in my life. Some where along the way I had lost hope and faith in all good things. I had become a pessemist and cynic. Thus, a part of me said that I was wasting my time. It was to late now, my chance to make myself a new was gone. My chance to do any good in this world was gone and past.
A few years back, I had wanted to commit suicide. I had felt this was the only way out, and some times I still do. These days are fewer now, but they still remain a lingering thought in the back of my mind. What would life be like without me? Would people be better off without me, as I percieve? Of course, I could never go through with it. I was, and possibly never will be brave enough.
Once I was baptised by Green Valley, I felt like a different person. Like my spirit had been renewed. I knew after that, I wouldn't be made useless, or remain idle with despair. I had always felt myself as a sort of "Guardian Angel" to people. Even if I wasn't outgoing or an extrovert, those I held close, I always wanted to help, and I always gave advice to those who needed it most. I was always willing to comfort others, even those I did not like so much, but never myself. I remember that there had always been a voice inside my head, telling me the right things to do. This voice I finally came to realize was God, speaking to me at the most random of times.
I have come to believe in God more, maybe not fully and completely, but I do know that he does make miracles happen, for he has made many happen for me. He has given me loving, caring people to be with when I need them most, to laugh and smile with. People that can help me change what the humanly forces and sins here have made me. I worry less, and love more. I am going on my 2nd missions trip this year, serving those who do not have the luxuries we do here in America. I am no longer as much of a pessemist, I am more of an optimist. I have taken off some pieces of my mask, and let my true self shine. I thank God, those who still love me and stand by me even after all I have put them through, and GVCC, and their orange chairs, for always sticking to God's plan for people. I especially thank those orange chairs, for always being there when people have needed them most. For giving those who are weakened by the lack of Gods love and trust, giving them a place to sit and rest for a while.
~ N. L. W.
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